urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche What would you die for? Jordan 2007-08-06T06:46:28Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:29971 2007-08-06T06:46:28Z 2007-08-06T06:46:28Z i got to see Behemoth tonight. my life is that much closer to being complete now. what a religious experience... no pun intended ;)<br /><br />oh yeah, i got to meet Nergal from Behemoth too. eat my turdz urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:29918 2007-07-24T09:19:23Z 2007-07-24T09:19:23Z druuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk<br /><br /><br /><br />fuck you, and good night urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:29474 2007-07-07T05:32:25Z 2007-07-07T05:32:25Z this is to a city i loved just a couple of months ago<br />to the place i really grew up in<br />the place i thought everyone stood for something<br />a place where i could have my friends and meet new ones that were great people as well<br />i've grown to hate you<br />i've grown to hate your people<br />the places<br />the bullshit<br />the stress<br />the lack of dedication<br />i'm not even sure i want to stay here at all at this point urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:29375 2007-07-06T05:16:40Z 2007-07-06T05:16:40Z i think i had completely forgotten about this website. i guess that's for good reason because just reading two posts of your's and i'm kinda bummed. i miss you, not even gonna pretend. but things got way too heavy way to fast for me. im sorry that's all i can say. everyday i just hope that i won't get a pissed off text from you. even if i played them off like i didn't care it did/does hurt.<br /><br />Ivory Sea is breaking up. I hate that so much. I've put more work into this band than any so far... and yet again i fail. seems like a repeating theme in my life.<br /><br />the ONLY good thing that is coming of ivory sea's demise is that i have 99% chance of making it into burial within, which means i would get to play badass metal and tour. what i've wanted to do with my life for years. i hope i can make it in.<br /><br />if the burial within thing doesn't work out i am pretty positive i'm gonna pack it up and head to st. louis. i had this idea a week or so ago but being there this week made me want to stay there so bad.<br /><br />i'm not gonna post anything about girls because i don't want to feel like i'm rubbing it in your face. not that there's anything to tell really but that's beside the point.<br /><br />anyway i'm gonna keep up with lj a little bit more but i have the feeling that it's just gonna make me angry. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:28964 2006-12-29T19:06:22Z 2006-12-29T19:06:22Z im so high, and i havent smoked in 4 days. i love you.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />if you are reading this you had best be at the rally point next friday january 4th. ivory sea debut show. be there. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:28877 2006-12-13T03:46:34Z 2006-12-13T03:46:34Z shadow's fall - the art of balance im having a very difficult time lately decifering what is real and what isnt. i feel like im on autopilot. like i dont have a purpose. like i do the same things every week. its all the same routine. not only is that a problem. i dont know if ive ever wanted someone more or less. i cant decide if i really really want to be with someone or if its just a waste of time. in the past, theyve all felt like a waste of time, and ended up being such. the only thing i know how to do to break away from work and such is to drink and get high... seems like thats the only recreation i have lately. i also think im getting sick..... bummer urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:28626 2006-12-07T03:08:31Z 2006-12-07T03:08:31Z "nothing lasts forever, but what makes love the exception?" ---- damn outkast nailed that one<br /><br />fuck you<br />fuck you<br />fuck you<br />fuck you<br />fuck you<br />fuck you<br />fuck you<br />fuck you<br /><br />tonights goal: get as fucked up as possible<br />week's goal: survive till saturday urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:28350 2006-11-04T03:54:46Z 2006-11-04T03:54:46Z this weekend is badass, im stoned as shit. me and z are writing lyrics for ivory sea. at all cost will be at my house tomorrow. and sunday rem nev is playing and the warriors will be at my house..... this shit is tight. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:27985 2006-09-25T17:43:10Z 2006-09-25T17:43:10Z im not a different person. <br />im still the same me.<br />a little calmer.<br />trying to grow up isnt easy at all.<br />there's too much pressure.<br />i guess change isnt expected by everyone.<br />life goes on.<br />im not really ok... but i will be. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:27798 2006-08-15T04:43:36Z 2006-08-15T04:43:36Z yeah so life rules...<br /><br /><br /><br />SIKE urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:27574 2006-07-10T06:51:59Z 2006-07-10T06:51:59Z dude fuck you. you write a god damn song. im fucking sick of being the only person that works in this band. if you dont like my songs then write something better you lazy pieces of shit. im the only one that practices regularly and actually tries to improve or write anything at all. suck a fat fucking dick. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:27136 2006-06-14T02:25:36Z 2006-06-14T02:25:36Z i just dont know anymore urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:27044 2006-06-03T16:33:55Z 2006-06-03T16:33:55Z serapis- a 21 gun salute the last two days have been two of the worst of my life<br />but the nights fucking ruled<br />thank you to the people that helped make that happen<br />even if all my friends have turned into drug addicted lushes...<br />the few that remain close get closer everyday<br />dont fuck with my life<br /><br /><br /><br />practice when everyone wakes up<br />SERAPIS TONIGHT AT SPOM urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:26785 2006-05-06T02:41:51Z 2006-05-06T02:41:51Z the acacia strain WHOA SHUT IT DOWN! i have the best girlfriend on earth<br />i just got a brand new, bad ass guitar<br />rugby game tomorrow<br />practice tomorrow<br />our new singer is fucking retarded (in the best way possible)<br />last week of school<br />THE MOTHERFUCKING ACACIA STRAIN ON FRIDAY!<br />possible nashville action on saturday<br />then im done with high school<br /><br />needless to say LIFE IS BAD ASS RIGHT NOW<br /><br /><br />whoooohoooo urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:26536 2006-03-24T05:20:55Z 2006-03-24T05:20:55Z dh,alol,tac,dtf,h dude tomorrow robby, rob and myself will take our long awaited roadtrip to st. louis.... for<br /><br />DARKEST FUCKING HOUR<br />THE MOTHERFUCKING ACACIA STRAIN<br />A LIFE ONCE FUCKING LOST<br />DEAD TO FUCKING FALL<br />AND HIMSA<br /><br />no one has any idea how much my balls are going to explode tomorrow night... <br /><br />i wish only one more person was going with us and she knows who she is... <br /><br />and i am definitely repping the serapis shirt tomorrow... MEMPHIS DESTROYS STL!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:26258 2006-03-17T04:35:39Z 2006-03-17T04:35:39Z man... i love this girl.<br /><br />man... i love my band. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:25913 2006-03-10T04:51:51Z 2006-03-10T04:51:51Z wow what a roller coaster of a day... i did not expect that to hurt like it did. i think i let too much get to me<br /><br />i love YOU... she has yet to fail to make me happy in any situation, an area where others have failed. i miss her alot.<br /><br />when i think about you, nothign hurts that has never happened before.<br /><br />alot of people that i look up to made me happy tonight. it made all the bullshit worth it.<br /><br />oh yeah and i love YOU urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:25623 2006-03-02T01:01:12Z 2006-03-02T01:01:12Z when did all my friends become lushes/druggies... its quite depressing how no one stays the way they say they are. oh well.<br /><br />i hate this college shit... i miss the days when life was simple.<br /><br />a friend of mine has suddenly become more... its exciting, and im very happy about it. she's sooooo cute.<br /><br /><br />fuck homework and cleaning. im not martha stewart. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:25534 2006-03-01T03:36:32Z 2006-03-01T03:36:32Z you!<br /><br />this feeling owns.<br /><br />saturday is gonna rule<br /><br />nobody thinks we are that good of a band... its gonna be a while... but they'll see.<br /><br /><br />the serapis cd owns! wow this shit is sooo fucking good.<br /><br />once again,YOU, are on my mind... not like thats changed the past few days... but i like it... alot.<br />night. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:25318 2006-02-03T04:44:17Z 2006-02-03T04:44:17Z through the eyes of the dead so yeah. im crazy about this girl. strange at first but no one is perfect. one of the rare few that accept me for me and that has the exact same beliefs. it helps that she is adorable. <br />im not sure where its headed.<br />i hope its far away though.<br />i hate not knowing everything.<br />i just hope this turns out well... im sick of getting fucked over.<br />tomorrow its a movie date! definitely going to be fun.<br /><br />wtwm is working on new shit for the red chord show on the 10th<br />its crazier faster more emotional and.... heavier... sweet, i love dick.<br /><br /><br /><br />oh yeah. katie says im cute.... sike. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:24954 2006-01-03T22:46:52Z 2006-01-03T22:46:52Z so my dad's gf is leaving him... this is kinda funny. the only downside is that i cant drive is truck all the time anymore. weak.<br /><br />i guess i'll have to buy a vehicle. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:24704 2006-01-03T06:53:27Z 2006-01-03T06:53:27Z still god forbid i guess since everyone else is going to make an entry about the new year i might as well too. so here it goes:<br /><br />2005 brougt me some good things. hfth got going, i met the girl i want to spend the rest of my life with, i narrowed down my friends to the ones that i actually care about, we recorded a cd, i got two new kittens, sandra moved out, i got an okay job.<br /><br />but 05 brought even more shitty things: i lost the girl of my dreams, i lost a good friend due to my need for challenging music, one of my favorite bands broke up and friendships were divided unnecessarily (spelling?), i got fucked over by some girls (not a change), my dad's lame ass 23 year old girlfriend moved in, my dad started going to church, i lost touch with some friends, i met a lot of shitty people, and a lot of people made decisions that they swore they wouldnt.<br /><br />so i hope 2006 will be different... maybe this time next year my good things paragraph will be longer than the shitty things. <br /><br />i do have some things i can already look forward too... i graduat high school, new rem nev comes out, our cd comes out, we get to go to texas and play with at all cost, i get a new amp, i will hopefully start college.<br /><br />yep maybe this will be the year of redemption. 2005 is gonna look at 06 and be like "wow i sucked". haha that was funny to me and prolly only me.<br /><br />this year im gonna try to be nicer to the people i love. but the people that suck im not going to change... it might actually get worse. <br /><br />so here's to the good times.<br /><br />now that's rock n roll urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:24471 2006-01-02T05:26:58Z 2006-01-02T05:35:18Z god forbid i want someone real<br />someone honest<br />not a liar or a slut<br />someone who is nice and outgoing<br />someone i can call when im down<br />and someone i call first to tell them some big news<br />so far only one of you exists...but thats out of my hands now and probably why it hurts so much<br /><br />i need someone who is not shallow<br />im not pretty<br />im not rich<br />i suck at a lot of things<br />i need someone who will care about me<br />im not fake<br />i dont lie<br />i dont cheat or steal<br /><br />why were you taken away?<br />how am i supposed to feel?<br />what is the next step?<br /><br /><br />other than than her.... i dont knoe that anyone who fits the above exists.<br /><br />mrs. vannucci told me something this year and i always hear it in my head... "dont settle". and so far i havent. there is something wrong with every girl ive met. im starting to think that im going to die alone someday.<br /><br /><br />this emo moment brought to you by... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:24163 2005-12-07T20:47:45Z 2005-12-07T20:47:45Z the extent to which i dont want to write my research paper tonight is enormous. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:killedforcliche:23855 2005-11-27T05:48:47Z 2005-11-27T05:48:47Z i wonder....<br /><br />if i hate too much.<br /><br />where has it gotten me? where is it taking me?<br /><br />i was the nice guy for so fucking long. but i realized i got stepped on by everyone and that made me unhappy. so i began being angry and hating a lot of people. but when you hate so much you have very little to be happy about. this is the dilemma. it doesnt make any sense. <br /><br />maybe its not fear im seeking?<br /><br />maybe im just looking for love in a pure form.<br /><br />i had that.<br /><br />but it was taken away.... thus i hate again. see the vicious cycle occuring?<br /><br />am i not cool because i dont get high? or drunk? or fuck everything that walks?<br /><br />what is your definition of cool?<br /><br />somewhere in my concience there is a void. how do i fill it? do i look for happiness? or let it find me. so far its done a shitty job on its own. <br /><br />how often have i had to say "fuck everyone else" and rely on myself? too often if you ask me. i dont belong to anything. when you dont believe in anything its hard to belong. im sure all of this will be gone when i wake up. i hope so...